In a bold move that has left investors both baffled and aroused, Microsoft officially announced today their new official name: Microslop. Yes, you read that right. The once-respected tech giant has fully embraced its destiny as the world’s leading producer of artificial intelligence-generated slop, now integrating it into every product in its ever-expanding slopsystem!
From the latest version of Microlop Word to Windows 11, Teams, and even the newly rebranded SlopBox One, every digital experience will now be infused with the uncanny ability to be increasingly irrelevant, repetitive, and occasionally nonsensical! Thanks Microslop!
It’s Not a Bug, It’s a Feature!
At today’s press conference, Satya Slopdella took the stage with a smile and a thumbs up with 6 fingers. “We’ve listened to our users,” he proclaimed. “They told us we don’t have enough AI in our products, so we decided to add AI to our AI !”
Slopdella then demonstrated a new technology: Every time you turn on windows 11, it will prompt for you! An AI agent will write prompts for another, Slopilot, and your computer will use itself for you!
Even better, this will only cost $30 a month! Microslop also promised to upload your information automatically for you in order to better make ads for you that won’t even look like ads!
Xbox turn SlopBox!
The world of gaming has been plagued by bad AAA+ titles failing lately. And Microslop has heard you on this!
Starting this year, 2026, Microslop will no longer make any more games, you will! All studios will not release, twice a year, a new “game” launcher, with a prompt box. Whenever you open it, an AI agent will look through your browser history, without asking, and gererate a prompt for their new SlopX systems, and those will make a game for you!
After generated, the game will play itself for you! So you can doomscroll tiktok while enjoying it!
Ethical Concerns and Privacy
A minority of users, around 90%, expressed concerns about the ethics of these changes and if their privacy will be respected. To this Slopdella responded:
“We heard you! While we fired 75% of our workforce to shift focus to more efficient slop-generation, rest assured our commitment to ethical handling of human-beans has remained! The workers were informed 5 minutes before termination, so they could buy our stocks! Not only that, we doubled down on user privacy policy and now we charge double to share your data with North Korea and Russia! This ensures that only those who pay at least $5 can know what you do!
– Slopdella, on a post to SlopdIn
Microslop also stated that, to ensure safety, your comsloputer won’t share your homework folder pictures while offline for a period of at least 24h.
To ensure users understand all the complex change, Microslop asked Slopilot to write a 500 pages document pointing out all the benefits of AI for the world, excluding ram prices, water usage, brain degradation, privacy loss, energy cost increases and others. The 5 page document can be found here.
This article may be satire, depending on when you read.
